they love it more when it is broken
by hpfreakster
Summary: or four ways Chuck and Blair could have gotten it wrong, and one way they could have gotten it right. AU.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first completed multiple chapter fic (yes it is completed). I'm very proud of this, so just a few notes. I will be posting a chapter of this fic once a week, probably on Thursdays like this chapter was posted. There are five chapters total. The first four chapters take situations from the show where Chuck and Blair could have ended up with different people and I just chose to elaborate on them. This was seriously meant to be a oneshot, but I word vomited and ended up with this monster of a fic. **

**This first chapter is set in late Season two and involves Nate/Blair and Chuck/Vanessa. **

**Enjoy!**

i.

It happens so suddenly, she doesn't see it coming.

She spends so much time entertaining juvenile thoughts of her first love, she doesn't see it coming. Not until he walks into the Jenny Humphrey's birthday party with her. They stare at each other; his eyes are taken aback and hurt. And for a second she almost feels bad for standing in between Nate's legs, her hands wrapped around his neck.

That is until Vanessa wraps her hand around Chuck's neck and yanks him towards her.

She backs away from Nate and runs into Serena's room because she can't contemplate a world where Chuck Bass is with someone else, much less a harlot from Brooklyn.

There's a voice in her head that sounds suspiciously like Serena that snarls at her that it's not fair for her to move on and expect Chuck to sit on the sidelines heartbroken.

(But doesn't he deserve that? To feel just a bit of pain after everything he's put her through.)

Nate comes knocking on the door first, and she's so surprised, that she almost opens the door just to assure herself that it really is him. He gives up easily when she calls through the crack in the doorway that she really doesn't want to talk to anyone right now.

Chuck is more persistent. "Can we talk about this, Waldorf?" He asks repeatedly. And she tosses back barbs through the keyhole because Chuck Bass doesn't do talking. And the last thing she wants to with him is talk.

She's almost waiting for the innuendo laced line to be tossed back at her, but he just sighs heavily. "I won't do this anymore," he says, almost sternly. "We spent too much time this year not saying the right things to each other, I won't play that game anymore. Come to me when you're ready to grow up, Waldorf."

And then he leaves too, and she's alone.

She suddenly doesn't want that anymore.

ii.

Nate ends up making the grand gesture she's always wanted him to make. So she picks him.

(It's an easy choice really. He's here, he's trying, and he's easy. And he's not Chuck Bass.)

She texts Chuck right before the Gossip Girl blast comes out.

_I'm done talking. I'm done. _

iii.

They go to prom together, and it's a strange version of perfect.

Her dress is ruined by the dry cleaners. And her corsage goes missing. Nate's limo reservation is erased. And she thinks for one awful moment that she's going to lose Prom Queen to Nelly Yuki because Chuck Bass is a vengeful asshole.

But there's a replacement dress that comes straight out of her scrapbook, and it looks better without the corsage. There's a carriage waiting to take them to prom. She wins Prom Queen to everyone's surprise. And at the end of the night, Serena hands her the key to the Palace suite.

It's all too perfect, and it falls apart suddenly.

When she calls her Daddy to thank him for the dress, he tells her he's sorry that he forgot about her Prom, but he didn't send her the dress. She goes to Nate to thank him for the carriage ride (and for thinking on his feet), but he is as clueless as she is. She finds out from Jenny Humphrey that her minions were plotting against her and Chuck stuffed the ballot box so that she won. And Serena caves quickly when Blair asks her where she got the key.

She almost wants to go to Chuck and thank him and tell him that she loves him.

But then she remembers that he showed up to prom with Vanessa on his arm, and she stops.

iv.

She spends the summer apartment shopping with Nate.

She refuses to live in the place he found for them. He's upset about that, but he acquiesces because she agrees to move in with him.

(Sometimes she wonders if Chuck would have found the perfect place for them all on his own, or would he have just handed the reins to her, knowing she would only be happy if she picked the place.

He always understood her need to be control.)

She finds out halfway through the summer from Serena that Chuck is spending the summer backpacking through Europe with Vanessa and she gags. She proceeds to spend the afternoon afterwards scrolling through all the Chuck Bass Gossip Girl posts she had been steadily avoiding, tracking his progress throughout Europe.

She stops at a photo of him kissing Vanessa outside a café in Italy, and she feels sick to her stomach.

He's supposed to be miserable without her, he's supposed to be trying to win her back.

Not this. Never this.

v.

She suffers through a year at NYU.

Vanessa is instantly popular. She's artsy and kind and everything Blair isn't. And Blair is determined to make sure that the Brooklynite doesn't get the Freshmen toast, because Vanessa cannot have everything. Not NYU, Chuck, and the toast.

She schemes and manipulates. And it almost works. But in the end, it backfires.

She watches from the back as Vanessa smiles serenely at the crowd, and Chuck sits up in the front row smiling proudly up at her.

She drops out of NYU after that.

vi.

Anne Archibald offers her the position of the face of her organization, Girls Inc. And she feels like something is finally going according to plan.

Nate finally decides on Journalism as a major at Columbia, and he's already got an internship lined up at The Spectator. She's taking charge of a major philanthropic organization and they're finally fitting into the roles she always thought they would fill. She the socialite wife, him the working husband.

But something is wrong, something is missing.

She's bored.

The magic of being chosen by Anne Archibald wears off quickly. Nate becomes occupied with his own thing, and she spends most of her days in their apartment alone, waiting for some new party or event or a new Gossip Girl blast about her friends at college.

She drifts away from Serena, burying herself in new friends, society wives, like her. Serena leaves for Brown and emails her regularly, then infrequently, then never.

It occurs to her later on that she didn't just lose Chuck, she lost Serena too. She lost two friends.

vii.

She marries Nate just after his graduation.

She wears custom Vera Wang, and he stands underneath the alter with a slightly constipated look. Her eyes drift to Chuck only when the Priest asks if she wants to marry Nate.

He looks back at her with lost eyes, asking her the same question she's been thinking.

_How did we get here?_

She says, "I do." And Chuck's eyes leave hers and drift towards Vanessa sitting in the crowd.

viii.

She finds out she's pregnant three months later, when Chuck Bass places a ring on Vanessa Abrams finger.

She feels a sick swirling in her stomach that isn't morning sickness as she watches them kiss chastely at their engagement party as a sick thought enters her head.

_That should be me. _

Nate's arm curls around her waist, blissfully oblivious as always. "They look good together."

She shoots him a look; he always said the wrong thing.

ix.

Despite her feelings about Chuck, she always tired to make her marriage work. Not just for external appearances, but because she was not a complete masochist, and she genuinely wanted to be happy with Nate.

She knows that doesn't matter to Nate, because he's still hung up on a blonde that she refuses to let him talk about, because it hurts too much.

It doesn't matter whether he talks to her about it or not, because in the end, she finds him screwing Serena Van der Woodsen in his office, where he's supposed to be working.

He has the decency to look ashamed as she stares at their entwined bodies coldly.

"Blair," he begins, unsure of what to say.

"We'll speak about this at home," she appraises the both of them, before turning around stalking out.

x.

He meets her alone at home.

"I thought your whore would be with you," she says ruefully.

"Blair," he pleads with her, "She's your best friend."

"Was," she corrects him. "How long as this thing between the two you been going on?"

"Since we have been married," he whispers.

She inhales sharply, "God, Nate," she almost whimpers.

"Blair, please," he takes a few steps towards her, stopping when she holds up both her hands to prevent him from getting any closer to her. "We weren't happy together. Not even a little bit. I kept trying to fool myself into believing that we loved each other, but that day," he trails off, "we got married and it feels like the worst day of my life."

She winces.

"Things with Serena," he looks anywhere but her, "I didn't mean for them to happen, but they did, and she makes me happy. I know it's not right."

"It's not about your happiness, Archibald," she snaps at him, "We're about to have a child together."

"I know," he closes her eyes, "And that's part of the problem."

She takes a step back, "What?"

"I was going to divorce you that night. I owed Serena more than that. And I owed you more. But you said you were pregnant, and I couldn't just leave you like that." He rubs a hand over his face tiredly, "And then Grandfather found out about the divorce and he was furious. We had a discussion, and he made some valid points."

"You're not making any sense," she snaps at him finally, losing her patience.

"Grandfather thinks it is a good idea to remain married to each other," he says carefully, "despite any feelings we might have otherwise."

"Like hell," she snarls. She won't stay married to him. She refuses to. William Van der Bilt may be able to intimidate Nate, but he would never control her.

"Blair," he pleads, "we need each other. In a few years I might be running for Mayor, and I need a respectable wife that will play well with voters."

"Not a society it girl that shows all on magazine covers," she spits back. "But too bad, you've already chosen her."

"You need me too," he says, his voice taking on an edge. "You've relied on my name to join all your little boards and groups. If we get divorced, then what will you have."

"You forget that I'm a Waldorf, that name carries weight too, Archibald. Don't you forget that."

"I know," he backs down almost instantly. "Look Blair, I'm just trying to make the best of our situation. We're both stuck together, might as well try to be happy despite that."

She remains silent for a moment. "Are you going to still see her?" She asks finally.

"Yes," he answers almost immediately. "We've talked, and she understands." He swallows heavily, "I don't expect you to be faithful to me either, just discrete." He parrots his Grandfather's words to her.

"Shut up," she whispers brokenly, "Just shut up."

And then she flees, leaving him behind.

xi.

She emerges from their bedroom the next day, an effortless brittle smile on her face that reminds him of the Blair that appeared after Serena left for boarding school. She dodges Nate's attempts to talk, playing the loving ditzy wife.

She kisses his cheek when he leaves for work with his briefcase, "I won't wait up," she trills out as he flinches at the ice in her voice.

He grabs his briefcase and walks out.

xii.

She wonders for a long time whether she should leave her husband.

It would be easier, she supposes, to stay with him and pretend to be the loving supportive wife, then to out their marriage as a complete sham, despite the satisfaction it would give her to humiliate Nate and Serena, she knows that it would come at the cost of her own dignity.

And where would she go?

She knows that she can't raise a baby on her own, not Nate's baby. She can't. She needs someone, and an absentee Nate is better than no one.

So she stays by his side, and pretends, because that's all she's good for these days.

xiii.

She buries herself in getting ready to be a mother.

When she had been younger, she had always assumed that she would be a typical Upper East Side mother, give birth through planned C-section or heavy epidural, hire a highly competent Nanny, and enjoy the perks of being a mother, without the work.

But the farther along with the pregnancy she gets, the more attached to her child she becomes. The child is the sole constant in her life. Without her baby, she has nothing, no one.

She shops for everything, by herself. She takes all the classes, by herself. She goes to all the appointments, by herself.

And every time the Doctor asks her, "No husband today, Mrs. Archibald?"

"Not today," she replies, "And please call me Ms. Waldorf."

xiv.

She considers is a miracle when Chuck and Vanessa elope.

She doesn't have to sit through their wedding, watching the two of them promise to love and treasure each other.

Instead they throw a party to celebrate their marriage. She watches as the parade around the party, laughing and talking with their guests. Vanessa, an upcoming documentary filmmaker, fields questions about her newest documentary, and Chuck talks business. And they sound so put together and wonderful, Blair steams with jealousy the entire night.

She spots Nate and Serena dancing out of the corner of her eye.

Chuck and Vanessa. Nate and Serena.

And her.

Alone again. The constant theme of her life.

She rubs her slightly protruding stomach. "At least I have you," she murmurs softly, fighting off tears.

xv.

It was an accident, they tell her when she wakes up in the hospital.

She had been in a car with her husband, and it had spun out of control and smashed into a wall. She seizes her stomach in a panic. And it's flat.

"Where's my baby?" She screeches in panic.

The Doctor winces before he can control his emotions. "Mrs. Archibald, we were able to preform an emergency C-section, but your son's state is very precarious right now."

"Can I see him?" Tears are flowing down her cheek.

"Not yet. He's been transferred to the NICU, and they're trying to stabilize him," the Doctor assures her. "I'll have someone come and explain his case to you when we know more about your son."

The Doctor is halfway out the door when she thinks to ask about her husband.

xvi.

Nate escapes the crash with a small cut above his eye, they don't even think it will scar.

She wants to scream. Her baby is fighting to survive and Nate is completely fine. She can barely look at him as he sits besides her, sobbing into her hands because it's all his fault. "It was Tripp," he explains in between sobs. "He was jealous of the attention Grandfather has been giving me, and he sabotaged the car. I'm so sorry."

"Nate," she says monotonously. "I don't care. Have you seen our son? How is he doing?"

"I—," he trails off; he looks towards Serena who stands in the doorway for support. "He's doing okay. The Doctors' say—."

"You haven't seen him, have you?" Blair guesses. "Too busy fucking your mistress to see your dying son?"

"Blair," Nate's voice is sharp, "Stop, that's not fair. And he's not dying."

"He's in the NICU because he was born too early because your psychotic cousin caused us to have a car crash. The doctors say that his chance of survival is 45%, the odds are not in his favor, and you don't have enough time to see your son?" She screams. "Get out. I want you gone, both of you."

They both look at her as if they want to say more.

"Go," she shouts, as they scurry out of her room.

xvii.

No one visits her after that.

She expressly forbids the nurses from letting her husband in, or her ex-best friend. Her parents haven't made the flight from Paris (something about a storm keeping them from making the next flight out, she doesn't care anymore), and she doesn't have the energy to return their phone calls.

(There's only one person she wants to see, other than her son, and he's on his honeymoon, not due back for another few weeks.)

When she can finally leave her room, the first place she goes to is the Chapel.

She kneels before God and begs, "Please, you let me lose Chuck, don't make me lose my baby too. I can't live without him."

She prays and begs and barters until a nurse comes in and escorts her back to her room.

xviii.

He is enters her room with pink peonies and a devastated look, and he's the first person to see her since Nate left.

"What are you doing here?" She sits up in alarm. "I thought you were on your honeymoon."

"I was," he admits, coming to sit beside her. "I was on the next flight out as soon as I heard."

"Must have been a pretty long flight," she says ruefully.

"Nate called Vanessa," he says with a hint of bitterness, "She didn't want to tell me, didn't want to ruin our honeymoon. My PI told me."

She's not even surprised he still has a PI following her.

"Do you know anything about my son?" She's desperate for news of him. His doctors keep her updated, but she knows that they hide things from her, worried about her fragile mental state. They only tell her about the small progresses or the miracles, not the struggles, which she know far outweigh the triumphs.

He looks downwards for a moment. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything," she breathes out.

So he tells her. He tells her about how dangerously underweight her son was, how the Doctors didn't think he was going to make it, how her son fought to live, how he was doing much better but would still have to stay in the hospital for a few weeks. He tells her that the Doctors don't think her son will suffer any lasting damage if he survives, but they are worried that he could develop some heart problems.

Her heart aches at the end, but she's grateful. "Thank you," she says sincerely.

He dismisses her with a wave. "Have you thought of a name?"

"Nate hasn't named him yet?" She asks curiously. She would have thought he'd have made that decision without her.

Chuck avoids her gaze again. "I don't think Nate's been around much."

"Think?" She raises an eyebrow; there are very few things that Chuck Bass doesn't know.

"Blair," he says softly, and she knows.

She closes her eyes. "He's sleeping with Serena," she informs him softly.

He takes her hand in his own. "I know."

Of course, she thinks. "I don't know why I wasn't good enough. Why aren't we good enough?" She thinks of her poor son struggling to survive, and the husband that just doesn't care.

"Of course you're good enough," he says fiercely. "Both of you are. You're better, in fact. More than Nate will ever deserve."

She opens her eyes, tears fill her vision. "Charles," she says suddenly.

"What?" He looks bemused, caught off guard by her sudden declaration.

"Charles Harold Waldorf," she says softly. "That's his name. I'll call him Charlie."

"Blair," Chuck trails off, not sure what to say.

"You'll be his Godfather, won't you?" She turns desperate eyes on him. She needs him, needs him to have this link to her son.

He says the only thing he can. "Of course, Blair. It would be an honor."

xix.

He stays with her after that.

She asks about Vanessa in the beginning. All her questions he blows off with a simple, "She understands" or "She's fine with it." Eventually Blair stops asking about Vanessa because she'd rather Chuck not remember his wife waiting for him at home. She becomes incredibly dependent on his presence at the hospital, even after her parents arrive. He's her rock, the one steady thing for her to cling onto.

She likes to pretend that he's there for her, for _their_ son, instead of the fact that he's there because she's barely holding onto her sanity or because every day her son's health fluctuates like mad and the Doctors still can't give her a straight prognosis on whether or not her son was going to survive or because she has no idea where her real husband actually is.

He's there when they take Charlie off the ventilator, and there when her baby stops breathing at night (for a sudden horrifying moment), and there when she can hold Charlie for the first time, and there to wipe her tears when the Doctors tell her that Charlie is going to live, and there when the Nate finally shows his face with tears and flowers that she doesn't even like.

She's tempted to turn Nate away because Chuck is standing by her side, but Nate is Charlie's father so she lets him have a moment with her son and turns a deaf ear to any of Nate's questions about her own well-being.

"You need to back off," she overhears Chuck telling Nate later on. "She doesn't need your dick moves here."

"I'm her husband," Nate argues.

"You haven't been here for her," Chuck says furiously. "I have. And when you're gone again, I will still be there for her."

She can't help the large smile that overtakes her face.

xx.

She doesn't mean to overhear them.

She had gone looking for him a fit of happiness over the fact that the Doctors have finally gave her approval to take Charlie home, and she need to celebrate with him.

She barely rounded the corner when she heard his voice, harsher than she had heard him in a while. "Vanessa, what do you want me to do?"

"I want you to come home, Chuck," Vanessa is standing a few paces in front of Chuck, looking furious. "You just ran off on our honeymoon, and I find out from Nate that you're with Blair at the hospital. Then when I tried to come to you, you asked me to give you space, through a text, and I did so, because I know this is a tough time. But you've been here for weeks, Chuck. I haven't see you in weeks, because you've been spending all your time with Blair and her baby."

"Nate isn't here, I can't just leave her here alone." He argues back.

"But she isn't alone. She has her mom, Cyrus, Roman, and Harold," Vanessa lists. "She doesn't need you."

"She does," Chuck says firmly.

"Why?"

Chuck stays silent.

"I know that you two have a connection," Vanessa says suddenly, her voice a lot softer. "I knew that when we got in a relationship, and when you married me. I guess part of me always knew that you would always love her, more than anyone, more than me."

"Vanessa," he says softly, a bit pleading.

"Do you remember what I asked you when you proposed?" Vanessa said ruefully, crossing her arms over her chest protectively. "I asked you if you really wanted to do this, be with me. And you said yes. Well I'm asking you again, do you want to be with me?"

"I'm married to you," Chuck says, his voice growing a bit hard.

"And I'm asking if you still want to be?"

Before she can hear his answer, Blair flees. Her chest seizes up, because she realizes in that moment that even the slightest possibility of him saying yes, he still wanted to be with Vanessa, would devastate her. And in that moment, she knows what she has to do.

xxi.

She considers leaving him a note, like he did that night after his father's funeral when he left her.

But she can't be that cruel to him, not after everything he's done for her.

So when all the plans are set and her father assures that he'd be delighted to have her and Charlie in Paris with them, she says her goodbyes to everyone and approaches him finally.

She's been steadily avoiding him for more than a week, requesting that he doesn't come to the hospital, and she knows that he's probably out of his mind with worry and furious at her for not talking to him.

She goes to his office before the airport.

"Blair, thank god." he stands up when he sees her. He looks so relieved to see her that she almost loses her resolve right there. "Do you know what you've been putting me through?"

"I'm sorry, Chuck," she says softly.

"No Blair," he excuses her immediately, "It's fine. I just don't know why you've been pushing me away."

"Chuck, I'm leaving."

He's silent for a moment, the relief washes off his face. "What?"

"I'm leaving New York," she looks away from him, because she can't look at him anymore, it hurts too much. "I'm moving to Paris with my dad and Charlie."

"Blair," he pleads with her, "I know things are tough, but you can't just leave. Nathaniel—."

"Nate and I are getting a divorce. It's going to be rough, but he knows we'll both be happier without the other. He's got visitation rights, but we agreed that Charlie will be better off with me." She dismisses, because Nate hasn't even been a consideration in everything.

"What about me?" He murmurs, and her heart breaks.

"Chuck," she says, voice cracking with emotion. "You have been amazing these past few weeks. I don't know how I could have made it without you."

"But you're still leaving," he finishes. "Even after everything?"

"I'm leaving because of everything," she explodes. "Don't you get it? I love you. I always did. I love you more and more every day, if it's even possible to love someone that much."

"You love me?" He stares at her dumbstruck. He straightens quickly, "Then why are you leaving?"

"Because you're married," she inhales deeply. "I can't be with you when you're married, and I can't let you leave Vanessa just because I said I love you."

"What if I love you too?" He looks at her intently.

She smiles brokenly. "It would make me insanely happy and devastated, but it wouldn't change my mind about leaving, so please, don't."

"Blair," he tries again. "New York is your home."

"And it always will be. But I'm a mother now, and I have to put Charlie first." She feels the tears well up in her eyes, but she refuses to shed them. "I will always love you Chuck Bass, but I can't play these games with you anymore. I need to put my son first."

"Of course," he looks as devastated as she feels, but he backs down. And she loves him even more for that.

"You'll visit, right?" She blinks and a tear falls. "I want Charlie to grow up knowing his wonderful Godfather."

"Of course," he repeats, looking down at his shoes.

She walks towards him and kisses him softly. "You're a good man, and a good husband, Chuck Bass." She pulls away, "Don't let this destroy all the good in you."

He nods, still not looking at her.

She walks away, and right before she slips out, she looks back at him. "Just because we can't be together, doesn't mean I won't always love you."

Even though she's leaving, he smiles softly. "I love you too."

She doesn't hear it.

_tbd._

**Okay so a bit of justification. Like I said in the beginning, the first four chapters will not have Chuck and Blair getting together, so it's going to be a mess of angst and heartbreak and very very messy. However the last chapter will be so fluffy your teeth will rot. **

**Choosing people for Chuck to end up with was the hardest part because I felt like his love interests in the show weren't taken very seriously. Not like Blair's were. So I had to elaborate on them a bit. It might appear like Blair is more miserable in every chapter, but it's because this entire fic is through her perspective. **

**Believe it or not, this was sort of the hardest chapter to write because I started to bring Chuck and Blair together by the end. I hadn't planned to write the accident, it just happened. And as I was getting to the end, I knew that Blair and Chuck would end up together, which wasn't the point. So I ended it at this point. However, secretly, I believe that Chuck got on a plane and pulled of one of those grand romantic gestures that the Basses are known for. But you can believe what you will. **

**Please Favorite, Follow, and Review if you enjoyed! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: So you're probably wondering why I'm posting a new chapter, well after three guest reviews, I changed my mind. I'm posting this fic all at once. This is because I realized that I could not bring myself to keep receiving reviews getting upset with me for not putting Chuck and Blair together for three more chapters. I am proud of this fic, and I do not want to feel anxious every time I post a chapter because it's not a good feeling for me. I appreciate the reviews and everyone that reached out to me, I understand where you guys are coming from. It was my intention to explore Chuck and Blair with this fic, and I really wrote it for my pleasure. So I understand why people may not enjoy it, and please feel free to stop reading this story if it's not your cup of tea. **

**Now the reason I'm posting it all at once, is because this fic was intended to be a one shot, and retrospectively I probably should have kept it as such. That being said, it's not, and I'd rather publish the entire story at once, instead of risking the possibility that I'll chicken out and delete it. **

**Disclaimer: Chuck and Blair fluff will not be until chapter five. If you want to read the fluff, I suggest skipping straight to that chapter. This chapter deals with Louis/Blair and Eva/Chuck. **

i.

She meets a prince in Paris and it's about as Fairytale as she can expect.

And even though he isn't around, Chuck Bass tries to ruin it.

Serena watches her with hesitant eyes as she tells her the news. "No one has heard from him all summer, and it's really starting to worry everyone. He hasn't paid an Empire bill all summer, or touched any of his credit cards. The police found his wallet and other belongings, and they had blood on them. They think he was shot. And there was this," she says passing Blair the Harry Winston box. "They think he got shot because he was trying to protect this."

She pushes the box away. She can't look at it. Not anymore.

"He was going to give you the ring," Serena almost whispers. "I thought you should have it."

"Is he dead?" She croaks out finally.

"No," Serena looks stricken. "We thought he might," she trails off. "But the body wasn't his."

"Then I don't care," she spits out, stalking out of the room, the little black box still sitting in front of Serena.

ii.

She doesn't go back to school when Serena heads home.

She takes a semester abroad in Paris and uses it as a chance to get to know Louis.

(She needs to move on, to forget there was ever a man named Chuck Bass in her life. And she can't do that in New York.)

She's surprised how easy it is to fall into Louis. He's kind and so unlike Chuck. He expects a lot of her, though. He doesn't like her scheming side; he tells her that she's better than that. And soon she starts to believe it. She's Blair Waldorf, dating the future King of Monaco. She's better than a scheming socialite; she could be Queen one day.

She's closer to her family, and it's nice to spend actual time with her parents and their partners. They insist on spending weekends with her, engaging in faux fights about who gets to spend more time with her. She hasn't experienced this kind of abundance of affection from either of them in ages.

So when one semester becomes a year, then two, and then three. No one blames her. Not entirely, of course.

iii.

She misses New York though.

Everything about Paris is wonderful. But it doesn't compare to the Met steps or Fifth Avenue or her mother's penthouse.

(Or the Palace, or the Empire.)

And four years later when there's a canary yellow diamond on her ring finger, she tells Louis that she might have to go to New York for a short trip to settle things.

(It's partially true; Columbia needs her to settle some paperwork about her permanent withdrawal. She has more credits at Sorbonne than she ever did at Columbia. Her mother's penthouse remains empty and needs to be sold before it gathers a permanent layer of dust.

And then there's the matter of Dorota.)

He's so sweet about it. Offering to fly out with her, clearing his schedule almost immediately. But she waves him off; this is something she has to do on her own. He understands, of course.

She emails Serena because Serena's the only person she's ever bothered to keep in touch with, the only person she can trust to not accidentally give her unwanted information about Chuck Bass.

_I need to know about Chuck. _

The email she receives in response comes in a matter of minutes.

_Do you want to know everything? _

She pauses for a moment. Did she? It would the point of no return. She hesitates and then responds in affirmative. She refuses to set foot in New York if she's not on equal footing with Chuck Bass. And she knows that he probably knows about her life, it's been plastered across various magazines. But she's deleted Gossip Girl from her phone and changed her number. She doesn't know anything him since he's been shot.

The following email takes a lot longer to come through. And when it does, it's pages long with several photo attachments. As she scans through it, she makes a note to tell Serena she might have a future as a Private Investigator.

It begins with Chuck's near death experience, and she almost skips past it because she doesn't want to know how close he came to death, when a name catches her eye, a woman who pulled him to safety, who nursed him back to health, who didn't even know who he really was until they left for New York together. A woman named Eva.

She reads about their history together. About how she coaxed Chuck to go back to New York, how she helped him make amends with his family, how she helped him give back to those less unfortunate (apparently he was quite the philanthropic soul now), how he married her after a few months together, and how she gave him a daughter.

She clicks on the photos, and flips through them quickly. He looks different in everyone, older, more composed than she had ever seen him. He has a light smile on his face that she has never seen before. He doesn't even look like Chuck Bass; he looks like someone else entirely.

She stops on the photo of him holding a toddler with long dark hair in his arms. She has his eyes, his dark soulful eyes. They're looking at each other adoringly. She recognizes the adoring looks quite well; she's a Daddy's girl.

_Elizabeth Blair Bass_, Serena finishes,_ that's her name._

iv.

She enters New York as quietly as she can, with a Gossip Girl blast announcing her arrival at JFK, like Serena during their Junior year.

Only Serena reaches out to her immediately, with a phone call letting her know that everyone is aware she is back.

She waits for the rest of the phone calls to flood in, but they don't come.

v.

She ends up reaching out to Serena.

They meet up on the steps of the Met. Serena screeches when she sees her, and runs towards her, long blonde hair flowing behind her. "B," she cries out. "It's so good to see you. You look amazing."

"You look great too, S," she responds with a faint smile. And her best friend does look good. Her eyes are shining brightly with happiness, and smile on her face that she hasn't seen in years. "How's Dan?"

"He's good," Serena acknowledges. "We're good. How's Louis?"

"Good," she says with a smile. "He keeps insisting on joining me here. It's very sweet." She thinks back to the numerous voicemails and missed calls on her phone. _Liar_, a traitorous voice echoes in her head.

"Why isn't he here?"

The smile slips off Blair's face, "Because there are certain things I need to do without him."

"B," Serena says warningly, "if this is about Chuck."

"It's not about Chuck," she insists, cutting the blonde off. "Well, not really," she amends, "It's about closure."

Serena stares at her for a moment, waiting for her to continue.

"When I resolved to stay in Paris with my family and Louis, I put my life on hold." She admits. "It feels like I haven't moved forward in a long time. And I need to move forward, S. I need to feel like I can get married to Louis and move forward with my life in Paris. I'm not coming back, and I needed to come here to accept that."

Serena inhales deeply and then clasps a hand over hers. "Okay," she looks sad for a moment, "But I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too," she says with a frown, and it's probably the most truthful statement she's uttered their entire conversation. "But you'll visit, won't you?"

"Of course," Serena insisted. "I expect to be Maid of Honor, you know?"

Blair smiles widely, before wrapping her best friend in a hug.

vi.

She keeps trying to run into him.

Outside the Palace, then the Empire, then his penthouse on 61st. She even spends a day at Central Park, hoping to run into him while he's walking his dog (he has a dog now, a mangy mutt named Monkey).

Finally she ends up resorting to the Chuck Bass spotted map on Gossip Girl and corners him outside of Serpendity with his daughter. She hastily stows her phone as the father-daughter duo walk out with matching smiles.

She didn't expect to come in contact with Elizabeth so soon.

The little girl look like a strange mix of her mother and father. She had a soft look about her that matched her mother. But the hair and eyes were completely Chuck. And as she grinned at her father, Blair noticed she had his smirk as well.

It's overwhelming.

She hesitates to call out to him. He's with his daughter; he probably doesn't want to talk to her. He knew she was in town but he didn't reach out.

He looks up, as if sensing her gaze on him.

"Blair," he calls out in shock at her sudden appearance. His daughter looks up at her curiously as well.

"Hi Chuck," she says simply, feeling awkward, she doesn't like being caught off guard by Chuck Bass, especially when she had sought him out.

He gapes at her for a few moments, before his daughter gets impatient and starts to tug on his pants. "Who is that, Papa?"

He looks down at his daughter as if he had just realized she was there with him. He blinks a few times rapidly, before straightening. "It's a friend, Eliza. My old friend, Blair Waldorf," he introduces her. "Blair, this is my daughter, Elizabeth."

The little girl sticks her hand towards Blair with a slightly haughty look, "I'm Elizabeth Blair Bass."

Chuck winces.

It reminds Blair so much of the way Chuck had always introduced himself. "It's very nice to meet you, Elizabeth." She shakes the little girl's hand, "I'm Blair Cornelia Waldorf." She looks towards Chuck. "It's good to see you again, Chuck."

"I would love to stay and talk," he looks down at Elizabeth who is looking towards something in the distance impatiently, "But we have to be getting home. Maybe if you're free we could—."

"Get some coffee?" She suggests hopefully, "I'd like that."

She hands him her new calling card, and he holds it carefully.

"I'll call you," he assures her, letting Elizabeth drag him away.

"I'll be waiting, Bass."

vii.

He calls her in the evening.

She picks up on the first ring, because she recognizes the number and heart starts pounding so loudly she can't even hear herself think, and because she can't give herself a moment to back out.

"Hello," she says breathlessly.

"Blair," his voice is so smooth, like her Chuck, the old Chuck. She assumes that he's had time to compose himself.

"Chuck," she says simply.

"It was good to see you again," he says a bit awkwardly. And she almost laughs, because she knows that they left things on a poor note, but it's been years.

(She's forgiven him for everything. At least she thinks she has.

Or she just doesn't care about the past, anymore.)

"It was good to see you again, too, Bass." She mimics. She pauses. "I hope that's not all you called for."

"No," he says. "I was actually hoping you'd join me for breakfast tomorrow morning?"

"Of course," she says a bit too enthusiastically.

"My place, nine o'clock. I trust you have the address?"

"I do," she confirms.

"See you then, Waldorf."

viii.

She changes outfits twice before she heads over to Chuck's for breakfast. She hates feeling nervous about being around Chuck again, but she's not sure where they stand. She's not angry at him anymore, she doesn't know what she feels for him anymore.

(She loves him though. She thinks that part of her always will.)

His penthouse is different from his suite at the Empire. It's light and open. The walls are shades of white and light yellow. There are huge windows barely shaded by sheer white curtains, and sunlight pours through all of them.

She knows instantly it was his wife's doing.

The maid leads her to the dining room where he's already sitting reading the morning's paper. There's an assortment of croissants, pastries, and fresh fruit, covering the table.

He lowers the paper as she enters, and it's like a flash of what could have been. She imagines for a moment that this is what she could have woken up to, Chuck Bass and breakfast. She shakes the vision from her head instantly.

"Good morning, Blair," he greets her, gesturing to the seat opposite to him.

"Morning, Bass," she says, sitting down. "Will your wife and daughter be joining us?"

"Eliza is already at school, and Eva has an event to attend, but she sends her regards."

"Oh," she says, faking a touch of disappointment. "I was looking forward to meeting Eva."

His eyes narrow slightly, but he lets it slide. "How have you been, Blair?" He asks earnestly.

She's thrown for a moment. "I thought you already knew," she says grabbing a croissant. "My life has been plastered across nearly every magazine. And your PI—."

"I know the story," he cuts her off, "I'm looking for the details, Waldorf." He sighs, taking a sip of his espresso. "I want to know about your life from you."

"Oh," she says softly. "Well, I spent the past few years with my parents, I've been helping my mother with Waldorf Designs. I think she's grooming me to take over, well, at least, before Louis."

"Louis," he muses. "Yes, I do suppose being the Princess of Monaco will make running Waldorf Designs a bit difficult."

She stares at him for a moment. "Louis was willing to give up his crown for me, I think it's only fair that I am willing to return the gesture."

"Except you'll actually give up your future for him." He smiles at her ruefully. "Retract the claws, Waldorf, I'm only telling the truth."

She stiffens. "I suppose you don't understand the nature of sacrifice in relationships, so I really shouldn't expect anymore."

He smirks in response. "It's a nice ring," he changes the subject to the yellow diamond on her ring finger.

"Thank you," she says simply.

"I have something for you." He pulls out a little black box and slides it across the table.

She recognizes the box. Harry Winston, the same box he held out to her years ago before Dan Humphrey punched him, the same box Serena had tried to get her to take in Paris all those years ago. She inhales deeply. "Is this a joke?"

"Blair," He looked too calm for her tastes. "This ring has always been yours. I was going to give it to Eliza, one day. But," he shrugs, "it doesn't feel right."

She opens the box slowly, and gasps slightly. "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," she says before she can stop herself.

"It's yours," Chuck reiterated, a bit awkwardly.

"Chuck, I can't. It's too much." She feels like she's seventeen again, and he's giving her the Erickson Beamon necklace.

He closes his eyes, "Something that beautiful deserves to be seen on someone worthy of its beauty."

She stays silent, because she can't kiss him like she's seventeen.

"You don't have to keep it," his voice is back to normal and he's smiling widely, too widely. "You can sell it or give it as a gift. I just," he trails off, "I can't keep it anymore."

"Of course," she says softly.

"I have to let it go," he finishes, looking at the wall.

ix.

She gives him a hug before she leaves.

They spend the rest of breakfast exchanging pleasantries, while she tries to hold herself together and he ignores the ring sitting in front of her.

She can't help herself from wrapping her arms around him when she says goodbye, though. He wraps his arms around her waist in return, and she takes a moment to marvel at how perfectly they fit together.

It's awkward for a moment; they had never really hugged, until she melts into him a little.

He pulls away first. "It was really good to see you again, Blair." He says sincerely.

"I know," she says with a small nod. "It would really mean a lot to me if you came to the Wedding," she trials off.

"I'll have to check my schedule," he says uncertainly, "But I will definitely try to make it."

She nods jerkily, "I'll just show myself out."

She's halfway out the door when he stops her. "Blair," he says suddenly. "Wait."

She pivots towards him, her heart breaking just a little bit.

"I'm sorry," he breathes out. "I'm sorry for not waiting longer at the Empire State building. I'm sorry for treating you like property. I'm sorry," he exhales, "I didn't tell you I loved you when I knew I did. And most of all, I'm sorry I gave up on us, when you never did."

She inhales sharply. Was this was closure felt like? But then, she wondered, why did it hurt so much? "Thank you," she says with a soft smile.

"Next time you're in town, you should come around the house," he says, "with Louis, of course."

"Sure, Bass," she says before she walks out the door. "I still want to meet Eva."

And she actually means it this time.

x.

She sends him a wedding invitation when she's back in Monaco.

She addresses it to Mr. & Mrs. Bass, even though it stings her to write. But she can't help but smile a little as she sealed the envelope with the Royal Seal.

She even adds a note asking them to bring Elizabeth along if they can make it.

She sends the invitation off, and imagines what her life would have been like if her and Chuck had made it work. She closes her eyes at the images of a prefect little brunette children. And when she opens her eyes, Louis is standing in front of her.

She squeals a little at the surprise, because he was supposed to be on a missionary trip to some third world country.

"I wanted to see how your trip to New York was," he says when she relaxes a bit.

"Great," she says with a soft smile. "It was great."

Maybe she'd never have closure, but at least she was moving forward.

xi.

They show up to the wedding.

He sits in the back with his wife and daughter wearing a purple bowtie, looking so completely and utterly Chuck, that her heart aches for a moment. Her father and Cyrus walk her down the aisle, and their eyes meet for a heart stopping moment, but she keeps moving forward, towards Louis standing at the end of the aisle.

When the priest asks if anyone has just cause to stop the marriage, her eyes search him out. She wonders if he would stop her wedding, proclaim that he loved her and she loved him, and that was just cause enough. But they're not seventeen, anymore, and they've got separate lives, and love just isn't enough anymore.

She meets his eyes and he smiles widely at her.

"Do you, Blair Waldorf, take Louis Grimaldi, to be your lawfully wedded husband, as long as you both shall live?"

She pretends its Chuck standing in front of her in a classic tux, a bowtie, and a smirk.

"I do."

xii.

When she's officially crowned Princess of Monaco, he sends her a bouquet of Peonies and a card.

_Guess all your dreams of fairytales are coming true. Don't forget who you are. _

_-C_

She's sent lavish gifts from all around the world, but the only thing she really treasures, is the bouquet of peonies (that eventually dries up) and the card that he sent her.

xiii.

She gets pregnant, eventually.

It takes time, and it's made even more difficult because Sophie whispers in her ear about fertility treatments and heirs, and it drives her halfway up the wall.

It's a relief when she notices she's actually pregnant.

Louis is thrilled, of course. He dots on her and makes sure that her every desire is fulfilled. He's convinced the baby is a boy.

"What names do you like, my dear?" He asks her one day.

She considers the question carefully. A few names came instantly to mind, but she recoiled from them instantly. Those names were supposed to be associated with little boys who wore bowties and little girls who wore headbands.

"I don't know," she says breathlessly. "What about you?"

They name their son Pierre.

xiv.

Years later, when she's starting to gray, and she's Queen of Monaco, her son comes home and announces that he's met a girl that he wants to marry.

It causes quite a stir, because the girl isn't aristocratic and she jokes to her husband, like father like son.

He's adamant that they meet her, and she acquiesces because she's never been able to deny her son anything.

"What's her name?" She asks her son.

"Jacqueline Bass," he says dreamily.

"Bass," she sits up a bit straighter at the familiar last name. "Like Bass Industries?"

"Yes," he rolls her eyes at her. "They may not be royalty, but they're very wealthy, Mother."

"You know that does not matter to me, Pierre," she insists. "As long as you're happy. It's just the name Bass is familiar to me, that is all."

"Really?" He perks up. And then recognition lights up his face, "I had forgotten that you grew up in New York, you must have known Jackie's father, Mr. Bass."

"I did," she mused. "It was a long time ago. But we were well acquainted."

"Oh, how so?" It had been so long since her son had asked her about her past, and even longer since she thought of Chuck Bass.

"Your father isn't the first man I ever loved, you know?" She muses.

Her son looks stricken for a moment, and she wonders if she should have told him.

"Before I met your father, I was in love with Chuck," she looks down at her hand and eyes the yellow Harry Winston on her hand.

"Vraiment?" The bit of French slips out in shock. Her son composes himself, "But then you met Dad?"

"Not really," she shakes her head. "Chuck and I tried to make things work, but it was too hard. And by the time that we could have made things work, it was too late."

"You still love him?" Her son looked at her like he was seeing an entirely new person.

She smiles serenely at her son. She ignores his question, "I have something for you."

He waits while his mother hurries out of the room and returns minutes later with a small black box. Harry Winston, he recognizes almost immediately. "Mother," he protests, "you don't have to, I am more than capable of picking out a ring for Jackie. You should keep your engagement ring."

"This isn't the ring your father gave me," she says, handing him the box.

Eyeing her carefully, he opens the small box. "It's perfect," he breathes out immediately.

"You should give it to her," his mother encourages him. "Maybe the two of you can get things right."

"Mom," he says a bit sadly.

"Please?"

He sees something in his mom's eyes that he's never seen before, a sadness he had never associated with the strong woman he called Mother. He had never seen it before; she had kept it well hidden. Now that he noticed it, he doesn't know if he'll ever see her the same. He considers pushing the ring away, rejecting the notion of trying to right someone's wrongs. But the sentimental value of the ring pushes him over. He's always been unable to resist his mother's wishes.

"Of course," he says snapping the box shut. "Thank you, Mom."

"No," she says hugging him, "Thank you."

xv.

Pierre proposes and sends her a picture afterwards of Jackie with the ring and a personal note that Jackie loved the ring.

Weeks later, another bouquet of peonies arrive with a note, and she knows that he sent them even before she looks at the note.

_I knew you would do the right thing with the ring. I'm glad they got it right. I'll see you soon, Waldorf. _

_-C_

And she smiles, as she carefully closes the note and places it alongside the note he sent her years ago after her coronation.

She still loves him, even after all this time, probably always will.

_tbd._

**I'm actually a fan of Chuck/Eva and Louis wasn't too bad, until the show made him kind of evil. I tried to make this chapter about how Chuck and Blair could be happy without each other. I separated them on purpose. I think that if they were in the same area, they would keep getting drawn back to each other. **

**Please favorite and review if you enjoyed it! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: I need to put a huge disclaimer here. This chapter is the heaviest and most angsty and more tragic. It deals with abortion so if you are offended by abortion or will get upset over abortion as a subject matter for any reason, I highly discourage you reading this chapter. **

**Please be warned.**

**This chapter deals with Raina/Chuck and Blair/Dan.**

i.

It's a game in the beginning, he assures her.

That's the problem.

It always starts off as a game with him. He plays tricks until he's the one being tricked, and somehow despite that she always ends up the loser.

And as she watches him bare his soul to another woman, she wonders how, after everything, she lost this round.

ii.

She thinks it starts when she kissed Dan Humphrey.

It had been an innocent kiss, of course, just testing uncharted waters, the possibility of something more with the boy from Brooklyn who was slowly changing his opinion of her.

She wonders if it's her fault in the end, because she kissed Dan Humphrey and he saw.

As she pulls away from Dan, she sees him standing in the background with hurt eyes, like they had just reenacted a scene from a rom-com.

"Chuck," she murmured, looking straight at him.

"I shouldn't be here," he mumbled, looking at the elevator behind him. "I'll leave."

iii.

He goes back to Raina. And she reads about it on Gossip Girl.

It becomes this whole Romeo and Juliet thing. He's trying to pull his father's company up from the ashes, and so is she, and they're together. It's romantic in notion, and it makes her sick.

"I thought you were going to wait for me," she murmurs one evening sitting at the Palace bar knowing he'd find her there. She's had too much Vodka, her words are slurred, but she can see him staring at her clearing with an unreadable expression.

"So did I." He responds, pushing away from the bar, but not before telling the bartender to make sure she got home safe.

iv.

She ends up seeing Dan because she refuses to lose to Chuck.

She will not let him see another woman while she sits on the sidelines and pines. And Dan is definitely a step down, but he seems to actually care about her.

(She doesn't have feelings for him, not the way he deserves. Serena throws that in her face when they argue.)

They come out together at a party that she knows that he'll be at. She lets Dan wrap her close, introduces him as her boyfriend, the writer Dan Humphrey.

Chuck shoots her a pained look the entire evening.

v.

It's a perverse game.

A game of who can be the happiest without the other. A game that goes unspoken between the two of them. The loser is the one that caves first.

She drags Dan to every social event she can think of and speaks proudly of his newest piece in Vanity Fair. He entertains reporters and talks of how Raina inspires him to become a better businessman, better than his father.

"How's Humphrey, Waldorf?" He asks her every time he sees her, tight smile on his lips.

"Wonderful, how's Raina, Bass?" She baits him, expecting (hoping) him to cave first.

He doesn't, of course. "Great," he answers shortly, pulling away with an excuse on the tip of his tongue, because he can't stand to be around her any longer.

It's a messed up game, but it's a game she's determined to win, even if it kills her.

vi.

She invites Dan to make an appearance with her at the Sheppards' divorce party, but he begs off.

(Secretly she's relieved, because dealing with Dan's distaste of all things Upper East Side is draining.

She doesn't know how Lily deals with Rufus.)

She shows up alone, and by some miracle, so does he.

"Where's your sidekick?" He drawls walking up to her.

"Not feeling quite himself," she says automatically. "Where's yours?"

"Early meeting," he dismisses, waving over the bartender and getting a scotch. "I would have thought you would have stayed home with your boyfriend," he says with distaste. "I heard you were making Brooklyn quite the little home."

"Brooklyn is not my home," she says heatedly, because he always knew just how to provoke her.

He smirks in response.

She downs another martini, knowing she's going to need a lot more alcohol if she plans on getting through the night without murdering Chuck Bass.

vii.

She winds up drinking too much, because she ends up letting Chuck Bass fuck her on top of the bar of the Campbell Apartment.

(She's more than a willing participant; despite her protests that he seduced her, she's pretty sure she kissed him first.)

There is no cuddling afterwards, no sleeping, no touching. She just sits upright, expecting to wake up in bed with Dan, any moment. It had to be a dream, she assured herself, it had to be.

"I need to go," she mumbles, pulling her dress back on.

He doesn't say anything as she walks out, just reaches behind the bar and pulls out a bottle of scotch.

viii.

She doesn't mean for screwing Chuck Bass to become a regular thing.

But she finds herself seeking him out after the Sheppards' divorce party, because she just can't get rid of him.

He smirks when she shows up at her office, but he kisses her first.

And when he screws her against his desk, he murmurs about how much he missed her.

ix.

"Where were you?" Dan asks when she gets home.

"Out," she says vaguely.

He eyes her curiously, before he walks towards her and wraps his arms around her. She closes her eyes and pretends it's Chuck's arms around her, and it works for a moment, until Dan opens his mouth. "Is everything okay?"

She pulls away from him embrace. "Everything is fine, Dan." She says quickly.

"Blair," he starts.

"You know, what," she points to the bedroom. "I think I'm going to lie down, I've had a very tiring day."

"Oh," he looks a bit disappointed. "Okay."

She walks off before he can offer to join her.

x.

She admits to herself that sneaking around it half the thrill.

Finding places to meet up, reasons to see each other, lying to their partners, it provides a certain thrill. It reminds her of the game they used to play when they first started dating. Except now they were actually cheating, with each other.

Dan is the easiest to fool because he trusts her so implicitly. She feels a twinge of guilt in the beginning that she's lying to him. He treats her well, but it's not enough and she knows it. She wonders if he knows it as well, because the sex between them is awful. They can't seem to connect, and because she's sleeping with Chuck, she pretty much cuts him off. He doesn't say anything when she repeatedly pushes him away, just smiles and cuddles up to her instead.

She doesn't want to ask Chuck about Raina. But she can see the way the other woman watches her and Chuck at every party they attend together. Her eyes are piercing, following their every move. She latches onto Chuck whenever he comes within Blair's vicinity.

It doesn't stop her from finding reasons to steal Chuck away, pulling him away from the party because they have something important to discuss, something about Serena, Nate, or some new charity she's working with, and then screwing him in the coat room.

It's twisted, but it's very them. And she loves it.

xi.

"I love you," he murmurs one day, when they are tangled up in bed.

She freezes for a moment, and he takes the opportunity to nuzzle into her neck. She knows what he's doing; he's trying to worm his way into her heart again. She wants to tell him its just sex, a release, nothing more. But she tried that in the beginning of the year, and it's never just sex with them.

But she can't tell him that he doesn't need to work his way into her heart, he's already there, he always will be there. She can't let him win. If she does, then he has the power to break her all over again, and she will never be that vulnerable with him again.

So she says the cruelest thing she can think of, "Dan asked me to marry him, I think I'm going to say yes."

He stays silent for a while. She wants to repeat herself, but she knows he heard her, and she can't bring herself to be that cruel to him. "Congratulations," he says bitterly.

"Chuck," she says slowly, warningly.

"It's just sex, right?" He asks bitingly. "I'm sorry I forgot. I won't again."

He stands up, despite her protests, slips on his clothes, and strides right out the door.

She doesn't expect the tears to come falling down her face so quickly.

xii.

He slips a ring onto Raina's finger before she can accept Dan's proposal.

She holds off on accepting, because she half expects him to fight for her. She expects him to come charging into her room and tell her she couldn't marry anyone other than her, because "we're inevitable, Waldorf." But he never comes and Raina's sporting a ring from Harry Winston that should be hers.

She accepts Dan's proposal quickly after that, and he shoves an antique ring that he bought at some shop because it made him think of her. And she's a bit nauseated by the whole thing, because it shouldn't be antiques on her ring finger, it should be Harry Winston. She tries to assure herself that it's the thought that counts, and Dan's was so sweet.

"Was it my ring?" She corners him weeks later, because she can't get the thought of Raina wearing her ring out of her mind. She hadn't bothered to get a closer look, because the mere possibility of proving her suspicions right drove her out of her mind.

He's silent for a few moments, and her stomach falls. She was right. "No," he says finally. "I couldn't."

She closes her eyes. "Thank you."

When she opens them, he's gone.

xiii.

She doesn't realize it at first, but when she wakes up for the sixth morning in a row feeling sick to her stomach, she realizes something is off.

(Even then she tries to ignore it, as if she could just will it away like she was seventeen again.)

It's when the other symptoms come along, missing her period, breast tenderness, swollen ankles, does she know that she's pregnant.

She takes 15 tests and each test says the same thing that as the last.

Positive.

Pregnant.

xiv.

She goes for an appointment with her doctor under the guise of a flu that she just can't shake.

A blood test and an ultrasound later, she finds out she's about six weeks along. Her heart drops a little at the pronouncement. The baby was definitely Chuck's, Dan had been out of town six weeks ago.

(She doesn't know why she expected anything else.

The baby was Chuck's, of course. Fate had never been kind to her.)

"What are my options?" She says suddenly to the startled Doctor.

"Miss. Waldorf," the Doctor says unsurely. "Do you mean abortion?"

"Yes," she says quickly, a bit harshly.

"At your stage," the Doctor says a bit uncomfortably, "there is a pill that we could use to abort the pregnancy. We can discuss the implications of the procedure if that's your decision."

"I need some time to think," she gasps, feeling dizzy at the thought of having a child, Chuck Bass' child.

(She feels even dizzier at the thought of aborting Chuck Bass' child.)

"Of course," the Doctor grabs a pamphlet off the wall. "Here's some information about the pill."

"Thank you," she says numbly, walking out of the office.

xv.

She shows up at his office, and his secretary pages her in.

He's standing up when she enters, a harsh expression on his face. "Blair, what are you doing here?"

"I'm pregnant," she says, not believing the words coming out her mouth.

He stares at her blankly for a moment, before striding past her. She expects him to walk out the door, leaving her behind. But instead, he closes the door of his office, and comes to stand in front of her. He stares at her intently for a few moments. "You look pale, Waldorf. Sit down," he orders her, leading her to a plush leather chair in front of her desk.

He grabs a water bottle from his desk, and holds it out to her. She takes it with a grateful smile. "Did you hear me," she asks, unsure with how calm he's acting.

"I did," he confirms. "Have you been to see a doctor? Or are you assuming this based on missed periods and home pregnancy tests?"

"I just came from the Doctor's office." She assures him. "I'm six weeks along, it's yours."

"Okay," he looks off into the distance. "What are you going to do?"

"What do you want me to do?" She counters.

He chuckles harshly, "I can't make this decision for you, Blair. I can't force you to get an abortion, or force you to have this baby. That's entirely up to you."

"Do you want to have this baby?" She tries again.

"Do you?" He counters.

"I don't know," she says, looking off into the distance. She rubs her stomach absentmindedly. "I keep thinking that in another life, I would be so happy about this. You and I would be together, and I would come home and tell you. And everything would be perfect."

He stays silent, looking at her. "Blair, if you want to keep it. I'll support you, you won't be alone."

"I don't think I can," she barely breathes out.

He doesn't look at her. Even though he said he had no opinion, she knows he does. She knows what he wants.

"God, Chuck," she pleads with him, desperate for him to understand. "We had an affair, and it's over. I can't carry our lovechild. If I did, I would have to tell Dan the truth, and I can't break his heart like that. Even if I didn't, I couldn't let him pretend to be the father of your child. And I'm sure if Raina found out, she'd never forgive you."

"I don't give a shit what Raina thinks," he says fiercely. "I only care about what you want."

"Don't you get it," she says turning away from him, "it's not about what I want."

"Like hell," he nearly shouts, grabbing her hands. "I can leave Raina, she means nothing to me. And you can leave Humpty-Dumpty. We can be together, Blair. We can raise this baby together. I love you."

"Chuck," she closes her eyes. "I love you too." He smiles widely at that. "But we can't."

"Why not?" He says furiously. "If we love each other, then it will work out."

"Do you remember when I came to you the day after the Empire State Building, after you slept with Jenny Humphrey?" He winces at the memory, but she continues, "I told you that even though I knew I shouldn't forgive you, I did because love made everything simple." She sighs, "Love doesn't make this simple, Chuck. It makes it even more complicated."

"Do you want to marry Humphrey?" He asks her. "It's not like he can take care you better than I can. Or love you more."

"I said I would marry him," she says sternly. "I made a promise to him, Chuck. I can't just walk up to him and say that I'm having another man's child and leaving him because of it."

"You can, if that's what you want."

She turns away at that. "I'm getting the abortion, Chuck. You said you wouldn't force me."

He lets go of her hands suddenly, her heart drops. "Of course," he straightens in his seat. His voice grows ice cold. "You can forward all the bills to me."

"Chuck," she says pleadingly. "Stop."

"I trust you can see yourself out, Miss. Waldorf," he says, not even looking at her.

She sits there for a moment, wanting to say something more. Something that would fix this. But he won't even look at her, and she doesn't know what can fix this.

She stands up, looking at him for a moment longer, and then walks out.

xvi.

Weeks later, when the procedure is complete, and her Doctor gives her a clean bill of health, she corners Dan and pleads with him to take her away.

"What are you talking about, Blair?" He says nervously.

"Let's go away," she pleads with him. "Anywhere. London, Paris, Rome. Anywhere you want."

"Blair, we can't just leave," he protests.

"Yes we can. You can write from anywhere, and I," she trails off. "I want to take a semester off. Let's travel," she proclaims.

It takes a bit more wheedling, but he finally acquiesces and she books them tickets.

They leave Manhattan in the dead of the night. He protests a bit about catching the red eye, but he stops when she shoots him a look.

"How would you feel about getting married in Italy?" She muses.

He looks at her a bit strangely, "I thought you wanted to get married in New York."

She wants to tell him she doesn't really want to come back to New York. She doesn't feel like New York is her home anymore. She wanted to be anywhere else, and she didn't want to be alone.

This happened every time, she supposed. Every time Chuck Bass broke her heart, she went running. She had tried to run away to Paris when she was seventeen, and she actually ran away a year ago. And now she was running away again.

Except this time she knows she broke his heart too.

It's not just sadness that drives her away. It's regret.

"I think we need a change," she tells Dan honestly. "And Italy might be it."

"Okay," he says softly, a wide smile on his face, "we'll get married in Italy." He reaches out to take her hand.

She pulls away.

_tbd._

**I really hope that you don't all hate me after that. It was the hardest chapter to write because of the stuff it deals with. I encourage you to PM if you want to discuss Blair's decision. I understand that some may not agree with it. And I fully respect that. **

**Please favorite and review if you enjoyed! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: We're in the homestretch. One more chapter before the fluff. **

**If you have stuck with me so far, you have my gratitude. **

**This chapter deals with Serena/Chuck and Blair/Dan.**

i.

Serena leaves first.

She gets a job offer to work on a set in LA again and she packs her things and takes off. There are no tearful goodbyes or promises to stay in touch. She merely watches her best friend pack up her things and not even spare her a glance as she walked right out the door.

"I tried, Blair," her words ring in her absence. "I really tried, but I just can't, I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend to be okay with you and Dan when I'm not."

She doesn't know what to say in response. To tell Serena that she felt nothing for Dan, would only anger her best friend, and it would be a complete lie. To tell Serena that she would back down because their friendship meant more would be the truth, but Serena wouldn't take it.

There was no win situation.

So she sat there and let Serena leave.

ii.

Chuck left next.

He doesn't give her an excuse, she doesn't deserve one, he doesn't even tell her that he's leaving, and she doesn't expect him to. She finds out from Nate who told Dan because the two were apparently friends. And Dan told her, because, "I thought you should know," he says eyeing her.

She knows that he wants her to be off handed about it. He wants her to not care.

So she looks at him blankly and ignores the information. "How was your day?" She asks, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, changing the subject.

iii.

Burying herself in Dan, in Clair Carlyle, is easier than she expects.

She plays the role of a supportive girlfriend well. She goes to Rome with him. She shops and enjoys the sights, while he holes up in the Institute writing. And when they get back to Manhattan, Vanity Fair greets them with an offer to publish the book in serialized chapters.

It's a scathing expose about the Upper East Side. And she can barely get through the chapters about her friends. He tears them apart, exposing all their flaws.

(The chapters he write about Serena and Chuck are the worst, of course.)

She comes out like an angel, like _Inside_, she's a twisted version of herself that shows redeeming traits she doesn't possess. She smiles when the chapter comes out though, and kisses him on the cheek in thanks. Because it's better to be Clair Carlyle than it is to be Blair Waldorf.

iv.

They get married quickly.

Her divorce is finalized not long after Georgina flies to Monaco with the promise to bring an end to her marriage. She never asks Georgina what she has to do to get Louis to bend.

(She doesn't want to know.)

She's with Dan for a few months before he bends on the knee at his party to celebrate his success with the _Inside Out_ series and the new movie deal for _Inside_. She breathes heavily as things get silent around her when the guests notice that the guest of honor is bent at the knee in front of his girlfriend.

"Blair," he says softly, "I love you, more than anything. I want to treasure and protect you for the rest of our lives. Will you marry me?"

There's a part of her that instantly finds all the things wrong with the proposal, the fact that he doesn't say her full name, that he says meaningless platitudes that make no sense to a cynical broken her, that he's actually nervous as he stares up at, unsure of her answer.

(She inexplicably misses Chuck for a moment. She misses the Harry Winston ring and that smirk that would accompany.)

She's Clair, she reminds her. Not Blair. She doesn't find things that are wrong with Dan Humphrey anymore.

"Yes," she breathes out, finally. He smiles widely, slipping the small Tiffany's ring onto her finger. He wraps her up in his arms as the guests break out into cheers of congratulations.

(She hates that it's not Harry Winston, he should know better than Tiffany's for engagement rings.

But moreover, she hates that it's not the ring she wants, again.)

v.

She refuses to move into Brooklyn, and with the money from all his recent successes; they start to look for a place to live in.

Her instinct is to gravitate towards lavish UES penthouse, while he gravitates towards LES walkups. It takes a bit of pushing but eventually they settle on a condo in Lily's building.

He continues to write pieces of Vanity Fair, and works on his newest book, a sequel to _Inside_. She wanders from society to committee, adding class to his success.

(Her mother offers to let her run her company, because "Waldorf women are not socialites", but she doesn't want it.

She wants to be Clair Carlyle, existing so that she can be solely dedicated to her Dylan Hunter.)

vi.

They live a quiet life and it goes like this.

They get married in a small ceremony in Paris at her father's estate. Her family stands by her side. Her mother and father exchange worried glances when she pledges her love to Dan Humphrey for the rest of her life. And afterwards her mother continually asks her if she's sure Dan's what she wants.

(Dylan Hunter is what Clair Carlyle wants.

Dan Humphrey is what Blair Waldorf needs.)

They don't have a honeymoon, but they depart for Dan's book tour and call it a honeymoon. She stands by his side at every opportunity and waits in the hotel when she's denied the opportunity.

"Are you sure you're happy?" Her mother asks her again.

"I'm fine," she stresses, moving on to the next subject.

They settle down in their condo when they move back to New York. He brings up kids one day in the future, and she flinches. He thinks it's because of the child she lost, and she lets him assume so.

"We can adopt," he soothes her, later that night. She pretends the thought of carrying another child terrifies her and nods into his chest.

(It's the thought of a child that terrifies her, in reality.)

She dedicates herself to searching for a child that is theirs. She stumbles across a little girl in India that she falls in love with, and Dan purses his lips a little at the notion of adopting aboard, because it is so UES and there are more than enough worthy children in New York, but she puts her foot down for the first time in their marriage.

Seema is theirs. But somehow she is more Blair's. Dan can't seem to connect with her, and Blair is the only one that takes a vested interest in Seema's life after awhile.

They have a home in the Hamptons and it's the only UES indulgence that Dan will really enjoy.

It's not perfect, but it keeps Blair afloat.

vii.

She doesn't actually see Lily a lot, despite the fact that they live in the same building. She divorces Rufus, and the reasons to see each other are fleeting.

But they stumble across each other occasionally.

It's years later, but Lily looks almost the same. And Blair is struggling with a resistant Seema in the lobby, but she still remembers the Waldorf impeccable manners. "Lily," she says a bit breathlessly. "It's good to see you again."

Lily, ever the gracious soul, responds kindly. "It's good to see you too, Blair. How have you been?"

"Good," she says, lightly tugging Seema into place. "Have you met my daughter? Seema, this is Ms. Van der Woodsen."

"Actually it's Mrs. Bass," Lily corrects lightly. "But you can call me Grandma Lily, if that's not too presumptuous," she looks up at Blair.

"No, of course not," she says distractedly. "I've been meaning to ask, I've heard about Bart. How are you doing?"

(Bart Bass returns from the Dead, she had read the headlines, of course. But what she doesn't mention was how she spent a day staring at her phone, struggling with the urge to call Chuck and see how he was doing.)

"All things considered, I've been doing quite well. We've decided to give our marriage another chance." Lily smiles sweetly.

"That's wonderful," Blair trails off. "And Chuck? How is he doing with everything?" Chuck's name burns in her throat, but she needs to ask.

"He's managing. Serena has been a real comfort to him," Lily says, and Blair's ears begin to burn. "Bart convinced him to join the company again. They're moving back to New York this week."

"Chuck and Serena?" She asks in a strangled voice. They're just friends, she tries to frantically convince herself. They're siblings, nothing more.

"Yes," Lily says "Of course, haven't you heard?"

"Heard what?" She feels like she's waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"Heard that Chuck and Serena have been seeing each other. For quite some time, actually."

Blair feels like her world explodes at that. "But they're siblings?!"

"Yes, well, I had my reservations in the beginning. But they've been such a comfort to each other over the years. And they don't seem to have any intention of getting married, and biologically it's not wrong." Lily says looking away. "Bart being back seems to have complicated things a bit, but they're both committed to making it work. I don't seem the harm in their happiness."

"Excuse me, Lily," Blair can barely hear herself. "It's time for Seema's nap."

"Of course," Lily backs away. "Do bring dear Seema around when Chuck and Serena get back. I'm sure they'd love to meet her."

"Of course," Blair mutters numbly.

viii.

"We've been invited to dinner at the Van der Woodsens'," she says delicately over dinner that night.

"Oh really," Dan snorts. "How'd you say no?"

"I told Lily yes, actually," she says looking down at her plate. She's barely eaten anything, Dan didn't notice, of course.

"What?" He looks up at her in shock.

"Chuck and Serena are together," she announces.

Dan inhales sharply. "What the hell?"

"Yeah," she muses, pushing around her peas.

"Isn't that illegal?" He looks at her incredulously.

"They're not married. A relationship isn't illegal." Blair says.

"Chuck and Serena," Dan says slowly, testing it out. "I would have never thought."

"People never thought you and I would get together." She reminds him.

He smiles softly at her, and clasps her hand. "Of course, you're right."

He pulls away his hand. "Eat your vegetables, Seema." He says to their daughter. He picks up his plate. "I'm going to write a bit. Let me know when we're eating with the Van der Basses."

ix.

It is a cruel twist of fate that she bumps into him before the Van der Bass dinner, but she figures that in the grand scheme of things it's a blessing.

"Hey," he says looking at her with wide eyes.

Seema tugs on her hand, eager for her mother's attention. "Mom," she whines a bit when Blair doesn't look at her.

"Mom?" She sees Chuck mutter under his breath, as she turns towards her daughter in a daze.

"Yes, Seema?" She needs her daughter to distract, to say anything that will take her away from this uncomfortable situation.

"We need to go, the ice cream stores closes in a few minutes and you promised." Seema tugs on her hand again.

"I know, my love." She says, unsure on how to walk away from Chuck, even after all these years. "Chuck, I—," she starts.

"You're going to get ice cream?" He ignores her, crouching to her daughter's level. Seema, suddenly overcome with shyness, ducks behind her legs a bit. "You're running a bit late," he comments, glancing at his Rolex.

"I know," Seema says quietly. "Mommy was late picking me up from Ballet, but she promised."

"Of course," he comments. "Let's see about getting you that ice cream." He holds out a hand towards her.

Seema looks at her for a moment, until she nods stiffly that it's okay. "How are you going to get the ice cream man to open his shop?"

Chuck smiles down at Seema. "I'm Chuck Bass."

The name means nothing to Seema, but it means everything to Blair.

For the first time in years, she doesn't feel like Clair Carlyle, but like Blair Waldorf.

x.

Chuck manages to bribe the storeowner into keeping his shop open just a little bit longer and effectively wins over Seema almost instantly.

When Chuck asks her what flavor she wants, she purses her lips in thought. "What are you going to have, Mr. Chuck?"

He looks taken aback for a moment, and she expects him to say he doesn't eat ice cream. She's never seen him eat ice cream. "Chocolate," he says decisively.

"Me too." Her little girl who never ate anything other than sorbet looks thrilled at the thought. "What about you, Mommy?"

"Nothing for me," she barely breathes out.

"Can I order, Mr. Chuck?" Seema bounces on her toes.

"Sure," he hands her a twenty. "Give this to the man to pay for it."

"Okay," she trills, running off.

"You didn't have to do that," Blair says immediately.

"I wanted to," Chuck says looking at her intently. "She's adorable."

"Yeah," Blair looks at her fondly. "She is."

"Blair," Chuck starts, and she knows he's about to say something that just might break her.

"How have you been?" She cuts him off, attempting to hold some sort of control on herself.

"I've been good," he clears his throat, turning his gaze to Seema. "How have you been?"

"Dan and I are married," she says simply, as if that were an answer.

"I know," he says. "I mean, Lily told me. Congratulations."

"Thanks," she says softly. "I know about you and Serena."

His eyes widen in surprise. "Blair," he starts again.

"I didn't know that you felt that way about her." She wants him to know how much it hurt her to know. How he had always been the one person in her life that had held her above Serena (expect perhaps, Louis), and how it hurt to know that she had essentially become a stepping-stone to Serena Van der Woodsen for Chuck Bass.

"I never knew you how to felt for Humphrey," he counters.

That stings. "That's not fair, Chuck."

"Serena and I," he squints a bit. "We just happened. We were both hurting, and we were there for each other. It happened," he shrugs.

"Do you love her?" She needs to know. It's masochistic, but things with Chuck Bass have always been that way.

"I'm not in love with her," he says. "But I do love her."

"What does that mean?" She stares at him finally.

He smiles down at her. "It means that she's not the one for me, but I care enough to let her be there for me."

Seema comes running back towards them with two chocolate cones clutched in her hands. "Here you go, Mr. Chuck."

"Thank you, Seema." He says taking one.

"We should be on our way." Blair says, taking Seema's hand. "Dan is expecting us at home."

"Of course," Chuck says, backing away from them. "It was good to see you again, Blair."

She holds onto that, until she gets home.

xi.

The Van der Bass dinner is awkward and uncomfortable, and they end up leaving the night early with Dan mumbling under the breath about the nerve of Chuck and Serena.

She wants to ask him about what that means for them, because they basically did the same thing, but she doesn't.

"I mean," he raves later in the night, "they were practically parading their relationship in front of us."

She actually thought Chuck and Serena had been surprising restrained. He had not reached for Serena all evening, and Serena had barely mentioned Chuck in her tales of L.A.

"I'm so glad they're out of our lives." Dan flops on the bed. "I hope we don't have to interact with them again."

It's then when she realizes that there's part of Dan that will always be in love with Serena, just like she would always be in love with Chuck. That was why he was so bothered by Serena's relationship with Chuck.

(She hadn't married Nate, but she still managed to end up with someone who loved her best friend more than he will ever love her.)

"I'd like to get some sleep," she says coldly, "So if you're done talking about Chuck and Serena, please turn off the light."

xii.

She doesn't mean to run into Chuck again. But it happens.

He buys Seema a purple balloon this time, and Seema's positively smitten by this point.

"Mommy," Seema tugs at her, "Can Mr. Chuck come with us to the zoo, because Daddy isn't coming?"

She wants to say No, say that Mr. Chuck has more important things to do than to follow them around a zoo. But Seema looks so hopefully and she can't bring herself to break her daughter's heart again. She was already upset Dan bailed on them.

"Chuck?" She turns towards him unsurely.

"Of course," he says with a wide smile. "I'd love to."

It's only later when Seema's out of earshot, does he ask her. "Dan couldn't make it?" He asks lightly.

"He was busy," she spits out, still furious with his pathetic excuse this morning, "Something about writing and muses."

"Ah," Chuck nods in understanding.

"I think it was just an excuse to avoid bonding with Seema," she admits, a bit surprised with her willingness to share.

Chuck remains silent, letting her vent and she takes the opportunity. "He's never been able to connect with her," she says. "And I guess after some time, he just stopped trying."

"Really?" Chuck looks taken aback. "But she's so," he trails off.

"I know," Blair smiles at Seema who is waving hello to all the animals in the Polar Bear exhibit.

"He doesn't know what he's missing out on," Chuck assures her with a smile.

"I wish he did," Blair says, "I know she pretends like she doesn't care. But she wants to have a father, and it's just not fair to her."

Chuck stares at her intently. "Sometimes father's don't matters, mothers are enough."

She stares at him, unsure of what to say.

Seema breaks the silence when she looks back at them and huffs, "What's taking you guys so long?"

xiii.

She doesn't intend for Chuck Bass to become a part of her life again.

But he starts to slip into Seema's life, and thus becomes a part of hers. He takes a part in all the activities that Dan had missed out on. He takes Seema to the ballet, the actual ballet, and to class, where he proclaims her to be the best ballerina he's ever seen.

Seema adores him, chatting her ear off about 'Mr. Chuck' whenever Blair gave her the opportunity.

(And to her shame, she gave Seema a lot of opportunities to talk about Chuck.)

"Is Mr. Chuck a Daddy?" She asks Blair one night, as Blair is tucking her in.

"No, Sweetheart," Blair says.

"I think Mr. Chuck would make a very good Daddy," Seema proclaims.

"That's very nice of you. Maybe you should tell him that, I think that would make him very happy." Blair comments.

Seema nods absentmindedly. "Can I tell you a secret, Mommy?" Her daughter averts her eyes, staring at the wall, as she didn't to divulge the secret prematurely.

Blair looks at her daughter seriously, "Always, honey."

Seema pauses unsurely for a few moments, "Sometimes I wish Mr. Chuck was my Daddy." She cast her eyes downward in shame.

Blair feels her heart break at that statement. "Oh Seema," she says brokenly.

(How had she gotten to this point? Married to a man she can barely stand, with a daughter that longed for the man she still loved.)

"I know that was a bad thing to say Mommy, I'm sorry." Seema looks contrite.

"No, sweetie," Blair soothes, pulling Seema into her arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

xiv.

"You need to take more of an interest in our daughter's life," Blair says harshly to Dan the next day.

"Blair," Dan rubs the bridge of his nose in irritation. "I'm exhausted, can't this wait until tomorrow?"

"No this can't, Humphrey," she says sharply.

He looks stricken. "You haven't called me that in a long time."

"So you'll know how serious I am about this." She insists.

"Blair, you know I've been busy with this new book, and everything. When everything dies down, we'll discuss my role in Seema's life." He says.

"Your role?" Blair exclaims. "You're her father for god's sake."

"Blair," Dan says warningly. "Let's not."

"Dan," Blair snaps. "We cannot just keep ignoring this. You need to be a part of her life."

"Is this about Chuck?" Dan snaps suddenly.

"What?" She can't feel herself breath.

"I know you've been spending time with him, Seema's been spending time with him. You thought I wouldn't find out?" He raises an eyebrow at her.

"No Dan," she says. "I was going to tell you."

"But you were waiting for the right time?" He asks her sarcastically. "You know you don't have to hide Chuck from me, unless you think there's something to hide."

"No, no," she shakes her head, stricken by his implications.

"Good," he says finally. "We'll talk about Seema later."

And she lets him leave because she just can't anymore.

xv.

They spend more time together, despite Dan's protests.

They even start to spend time together without Seema. He needs her help planning a party for Bass Industries. She wants to tell him that Serena is more than capable of helping plan a party. But she catches a photo of Serena and Dan on Gossip Girl, and she suddenly knows who her husband's new muse is.

It should make her jealous, but she feels nothing as she clicks her phone off and turns her attention back to Chuck.

xvi.

It ends the day she considers asking him those words again.

"_Do you think you could love another man's child?" _

He looks at her when she asks if he would come to Seema's ballet performance. "This isn't something Humphrey could help you with?" He asks sarcastically.

"No," she says looking away, unable to admit that he's busy with Serena.

He looks at her intently. "Are you alright?"

"No," she admits. "I haven't been alright for awhile now."

He doesn't say anything.

"I feel lost and I don't know how to find my way back." She says brokenly.

She pleads with him silently to help her, to save her, to bring Blair Waldorf back.

"I can't help you with that, Blair," he looks at her sadly. "Only you can find yourself."

"Chuck," she inhales deeply.

"Don't say it," he says sharply.

She's taken aback, but she shouldn't be. He's always had a knack of knowing her better than that. "How do you know what I was going to say?"

"Because I know you better than you know yourself," he says. "But I can't. I can't let you say it again."

"But it's true," she pleads with him.

"God Blair," he runs a hand through his hair. "There was a time when I would have given anything to hear you say those three words, eight letters, but I can't play this game anymore. I need to move forward with my life, now. I'm with Serena, now."

"Who is having an affair with my husband," she shrieks indignantly.

Chuck doesn't look moved. "I told you that I wasn't in love with Serena, and that's true. I don't care what or who she might be doing in her free time. But she is my future, Blair."

"I could be," Blair mutters brokenly. She doesn't understand how they got to this point, so broken that they would rather lead lives with people they didn't love than risk it all on each other.

(It's her fault, she supposes. She did it first.)

"You were, Blair," Chuck says sadly. "But not anymore."

_tbd._

**Please favorite and review if you enjoyed it!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Huzzah! We have reached the fluff. **

**For those of you who stuck with the story, enjoy. For those of you who skipped to this chapter, enjoy. **

**Either way, thank you for reading. **

i.

He's late, but he appears at the helicopter pad with a bouquet of roses and a trembling hands.

She takes in his pale appearance and they way he watches Ben with close beady eyes, and she knows that it took a lot for him to show up. She skips towards him and grabs the bouquet out of his hands, "For me? You shouldn't have." She sings songs as she leans up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

Red roses are not her favorite, but she appreciates his attempt at being romantic. She pushes her nose into the bouquet and inhales deeply. "They're gorgeous." She admits with a smile. "Thank you."

He smiles back at her. Slowly, but he smiles nonetheless.

She wants to ask him what happened. What happened between his declarations of not being able to wait until he could induct her into the mile high club, and now, when he can't even look her fully in the eye. But she knows that now is not the right time.

"Now, Mr. Bass," she says taking his hand, leading him towards the helicopter. "I have it on good authority that you plan to induct me into the Mile High Club, and I think I've picked out the perfect outfit for my induction ceremony."

ii.

He spends a week holed up in a hotel room in Tuscany with her. And then joins her for a week in France, before he charters the jet back to New York.

She wants to beg him to stay for a few more weeks because his presence has become something she craves oh so dearly. But he's looking at her like a trapped wild animal and she knows that she needs to let him go, or he'll go running.

(She hopes, prays, when she drops him off at the airport, kissing him softly, that letting him go only means that he'll come back to her.)

She stays in Lyon nearly the entire summer, spending time with her Daddy and Roman. She shops, dines, and wanders the streets of Paris.

(She doesn't flirt with any boys. It's pathetic, but she doesn't know where she stands with Chuck. And even though he might be neck deep in whores, she refuses to be the cheater in their quasi-relationship.)

Serena calls her a few weeks before summer ends and begs her to come and spend the rest of her summer in the Hamptons.

She pretends like it's a hassle, but she's ecstatic at the opportunity to see Chuck again.

She wrestles with the idea of bringing a boy home, someone to show Chuck what he is missing out on. She even finds someone who she deems appropriate, but she can't do it in the end.

And it's worth it, because when she steps off the Jitney, he's standing there with a bouquet of yellow roses and a sheepish smile that melts her heart.

iii.

They spend their time in the Hamptons curled around each other in his bed.

He tells her about his dad, how the conversation with him had almost prompted him not to come to Tuscany. She wants to tell him that she doesn't want to change him or tame him, but she thinks on some level he knows that, because he showed up at the Helipad.

"I would have never forgiven you," she tells him, "if you abandoned me in Tuscany."

"You would have," he smirks. "I'm very persuasive."

He asks her about Lyon, and she tells him the truth, it was miserable without him. She asks him about the Hamptons, he tells her the truth, he boozed his way through the summer and didn't touch one woman.

"You ruined me, Waldorf," he breathes into the curve of her neck.

She scoffs because he ruined her summer first. He shouldn't be complaining.

(She confirms his story with Serena, because she trusts him, but it's still nice to verify things herself. She justifies this knowing that he probably had PIs trailing her all summer. And Serena confirms his _inaction_ with a small giggle.

"He's really fallen for you," Serena whispers, "He wouldn't even look at another girl, B.")

They're not perfect. He still leers and drinks scotch like an alcoholic. She still lusts after fairytales and romance that he doesn't seem capable of providing.

But in the night when he kisses down the length of her, she thinks that this must be what love feels like.

iv.

They come out officially as a couple at the White Party.

They avoid talking about labels with each other, because they're guarded that way, unwilling to put their hearts on the line just yet (or at least he is). But she knows enough to say that he's hers and she's his.

And at the end of the day that's all that matters.

v.

She starts her senior year with a purpose.

She has everything she needs, her Queen B status, Chuck Bass as her boyfriend, Serena as her best friend. Now she needs to focus on what her future.

Yale is still the plan, and she's going to get it.

(It's Chuck that encourages her to apply to other schools.

"Yale is the dream," she argues, irritated he would even try to convince her otherwise.

But she applies to Harvard, Columbia, and Brown with him nonetheless.)

vi.

His father dies, and she tells him she loves him, hoping it would be enough for him to stay.

He looks at her coldly, "I guess that's too bad."

And then he takes off taking her heart with him.

But he comes back this time.

He's sitting on her bed with a lost expression, the broken pieces of his heart laid out in front of him. She pulls him into her arms because she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't know how to fix him. She curls around him, trying to hold him together long enough for him to figure out how to fix himself.

vii.

He inherits Bass Industries, and Jack tries to take it from him.

Jack doesn't win, because Chuck and Blair don't lose to anyone. But Chuck signs the company over to Lily anyway. He doesn't want Bass Industries, not yet, at least.

(If there was one thing Bart cared about, it was Bass Industries. And he may have not loved Chuck, but he trusted him enough to sign the company over to him.

And in a way, it was what Chuck always wanted from him father. Pride.)

"I'm going to do this right," he murmurs in front of his father's grave.

viii.

They go to Prom. She wins Prom Queen because he stuffs the ballot box. And he wins Prom King because he stuffs the ballot box, also because he refuses to lose to Nate Archibald again, even in title.

(Because if she's Queen of the UES then he's her King, always.)

They graduate. She gets into Yale, so does he.

(The Bart Bass Memorial rotunda becomes a thing, because it's hard enough to get the board to look past their past discretions.)

But more importantly, they do it together.

ix.

She breaks up with him many times over the course of their time in New Haven.

And every time he shows up on her doorsteps with Peonies because he never once thought that was the end of them. And every time she took the peonies, and him, because she never really meant it.

She's the one that screws up in the end. She manipulates him for her own gain. And he finds out.

He breaks up with her once, and it's the first time she thinks there is an end to them.

x.

She goes out that night, because she can't spend another night curled up on the couch watching Audrey and eating her way through a pile Godiva and Macaroons and drowning her sorrows in Dom.

Her roommate is the partying type, and they head to a club. Blair wears a short dress that rides up if she even moves an inch. And the more she drinks, the less she cares.

She stops caring and just dances. Sweaty drunk bodies surround her, but she loses herself in the music. Eventually there's someone behind her, and he's moving to the beat of the song, rubbing himself up against her. And she just doesn't care. She grinds against him, trying to lose herself in the thumping beat of the bass.

She looks up and he's standing there, in front of her. His eyes are hardened flint as he takes in the sight of her up against some nameless guy. He grabs her arms and drags her out of the club, and she's not coherent enough to protest.

He takes care of her that night, holds her hair back when she's bent over the toilet, lets her curl up in his arms when the tears overtake her because he broke up with her, stops her when her hands fumble towards the buttons of his shirt, lets her pass out on his bed while he crashes on the couch, because apparently he's honorable now.

She wakes up in the morning with a pounding headache and anger.

"You broke up with me," she says furiously, hitting him over and over again until he knows how much he hurt her.

He frowns at her. "That doesn't mean I don't love you."

It's not the first time he's said those words, but it stops her.

"What?" She looks at him, tears swelling in her eyes.

"I love you, Blair." He runs a hand through her hair. "And what you did really hurt me."

"I said I'm sorry," she pleads.

"I know," he says soothingly. "I just needed some time."

"Needed?" She looks at him hesitantly. She can't bring herself to hope, but it bubbles up in her chest nonetheless.

"Last week's incident took longer than anticipated to move past," he admits. "But seeing you last night," he trails off. "I don't want to lose you, Blair."

She inhales sharply.

"So don't," she whispers, letting him pull her close.

They're not fixed, not by a long shot. But they're getting there.

xi.

She graduates and her mother hands her Waldorf designs.

He graduates and takes over Bass Industries.

She's always at the atelier learning how to run a fashion empire and he in the office taking his father's place, but doing even better.

At the end of the day, they come home to each other.

It's not perfect or glamorous, but it's all they need.

xii.

He proposes onto of the Empire.

It's fitting in a way. It's his first hotel, symbolic of their future together, and rooftops have always been their thing.

There are string lights everywhere, peonies, and Dom. It's perfect, everything she's always dreamed of.

(She thinks that he might have lifted the scene straight from her scrapbook, but with some tweaks.)

But all she can focus on is him and that _perfect_ Harry Winston ring.

"Yes," she shouts, not caring who hears. "Yes, I will."

xiii.

They get married in Paris.

She starts planning a huge church wedding. But her mother interferes intent on making her daughter's wedding the social event of the century. She can't find the wedding dress that feels right. The cater can't seem to get their order right. And the florist can't accommodate that many peonies.

She curls into him one night, exhausted by how many things are going wrong. "Let's elope," she suggests.

He looks at her incredulously.

"This big fairytale wedding isn't work out," she explains. "We already pushed out wedding date back twice. I want to be married to you. I don't care what I'm wearing or how many peonies I'm carrying or where you are. I want to be Mrs. Bass."

They don't actually elope, because he loves her too much to do that to her. He flies their family to Paris, she pulls some strings with Vera Wang, her Daddy buys her a bouquet of pink peonies, and they pull together a wedding.

Cyrus officiates, her Daddy walks her down the aisle, Serena is her maid of honor, Nate is his best man, and everything is perfect.

"Do you, Chuck, take Blair to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"Three words, eight letters."

"Blair, do you take Chuck to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"One word, three letters. Yes."

She barely hears Cyrus pronounce them man and wife before Chuck dips her back and kisses her passionately.

She's _married_.

"I love you," he murmurs as they pull away. She caresses the length of his face and smiles.

xiv.

They honeymoon in Europe, jumping from country to country with the Bass Jet.

They spend nearly their entire honeymoon indoors, buried under mountains of sheets, naked, intertwined, and happy.

"Mrs. Bass," he murmurs over and over again, as if he couldn't get enough of her new name.

"Say it again," she smiles softly. She loves the way it rolls off the tip of his tongue.

"Mrs. Bass," he purrs. "I love you."

xv.

Two months later she's throwing up, her ankles are swelling up, and her breast are tender.

It's not like the last time, not like when she was in High School. She's desperate to find out, so desperate that she ventures out to the store herself. She takes the test and waits for him at home with a giddiness that nothing can temper.

She can't think of a proper way to tell him. Lingerie got them in this place in the first place, dinner seems cliché, and she refuses to do something so pedestrian like buy their unborn child an I Love My Daddy onesie.

She ends up falling asleep waiting for him, curled up onto of their bed, her hands curled around her waist protectively.

He gets in late, and she wakes up when he gently picks her up to place her under the covers.

"You knocked me up, Bass," she murmurs half asleep. "Congratulations."

His ecstatic kisses wake her up fully.

xvi.

She starts showing early, and they find out at her second appointment it's because she's pregnant with twins.

Chuck stares at the monitor in fascination as she rolls the word Twins around her head as if everything would suddenly fall into place.

A baby was one thing, but two babies?

She rolls her eyes at Chuck as they leave the Doctor's office, "You would knock me up twice, you Basstard."

xvii.

She knows that beneath the excited exterior, the scars are still there.

He won't talk about it, but she knows that Bart Bass did a number on him. He grew up believing that he was responsible for his mother's death, and no matter how much she attempted to convince him otherwise, there would always be a part of him that would carry that weight.

She sees it in the way he watches her protectively as her belly swells with their children. The way he eyes the path in front of them, moving anything that she could possibly stumble over. The way that he constantly insists she remains stationary, insisting that whatever she needed he could do it, or at least hire more help to make sure she didn't have to do it. The way that his eyes widen fearfully when the Doctor brings up the risks of multiple births when she encourages them to set a date to induce labor around her 37th week.

"I can't lose you," he mumbles fiercely into her neck, later that night. She knows that he thinks she's asleep, he wouldn't have said it otherwise. His arms curl around her stomach protectively. "I can't become my father."

She doesn't say anything, lets him believe she's asleep, and when she wakes up the next morning, he's back to his overprotective self, thrilled about the babies.

And she lets him be overprotective without compliant, not because she enjoys the pampering (she does), but because she knows he needs to do it for his own peace of mind.

xviii.

They argue over names because they can't seem to agree on anything.

"Harold Bass," Chuck asks her incredulously. "Really, Blair? _Harry Bass_." He stresses. "I know you adore Harold, but I refuse believe that would extend to subjecting one of our unborn children to a name that rhymes with—."

"What would you suggest?" She cuts him off, slamming the baby name book closed. "And don't suggest Bartholomew. I will not name one of our babies after a Simpson character."

"Or my father," Chuck snarls back.

"You won't let me name him after my father," Blair argues.

They come to a compromise eventually, when they find out she's carrying one boy and one girl. "You name the boy, and I'll name the girl." She suggests, flipping through the book casually, though she already knows the perfect name.

"I already know you're going to name the girl Audrey, Blair," Chuck rolls his eyes.

Blair keeps her face blank. "You never know, Bass. I might just go crazy on epidural and name our baby Bliss Bass, so I'd keep your mouth shut if you know what's best."

xix.

She's still a meticulous planner, so of course, she has a birthing plan.

She goes into labor, Chuck grabs her hospital bag and calls around the Limo, they go to Lennox Hill and she'll receive an epidural, Chuck would sit with her until her family arrived, and when it was time to go to the Delivery room, Serena and her mother would accompany.

It's supposed to be simple.

But because Chuck's an ass, he objects to her plan.

"You're not riding in my limo," he blurts out when she tells him the plan.

"What?" She asks in a dangerous voice.

He squirms for a moment. "What if your water breaks? You don't want to get fluids all over the seat."

"I don't?" She raises an eyebrow, her voice rising several pitches. "What I want, is a comfortable stress free ride to the hospital. Which you will provide with your infinite wealth and personal limo, Bass." She shrieks. "Or you will be riding a separate cab to the hospital after calling a town car for me."

He wisely doesn't argue with her birthing plan after that.

xx.

She goes into labor early, and Chuck's not there.

In the heat of the moment, she calls Chuck and screams at his voicemail for abandoning her during her labor.

In reality it was her fault. She had been so sure she'd make it to 37 weeks that she had practically forced him out the door on that weekend business trip.

Her only comfort was he was already on a plane ride home and was due to land in another hour.

On the other hand, the whole thing could be over in a matter of minutes.

"We'll continue to monitor your progress," her Doctor shoots another look at the fetal heart monitor she's hooked up to, "but if there's any sign of distress we will need to preform an emergency C-section."

"God, Chuck," she wails at the ceiling. There was a birthing plan, and even without being there he was screwing it up.

Serena holds her hand tightly and speaks about all the joys of parenting that are sure to follow the birth. Her family is on a flight from Paris. Dan is running back and forth, anything to avoid her wrath. And Nate is at helipad waiting for Chuck to land to make sure that he heads straight for the hospital.

"Serena," she grasps the collar of her best friend's dress. "Why did I marry Chuck Bass? Why did I let him impregnate me?"

"Because you love him?" Serena offers weakly.

Blair glares at Serena. "Not enough," she growls out her stepfather's favorite phrase.

They don't wheel her into a C-section, but she dilates to ten centimeters around the time that Chuck runs in disheveled in only a white dress shirt, sleeves rolled up to the elbows and black dress pants. She forgets every bad thing she's ever said about him, she forgets that he's not supposed to actually be in the delivery room according to the birthing plan, because she didn't want him to see her like that, but Serena is useless and her mother isn't here.

And Chuck is everything she needs right now.

She tosses the birthing plan right out the window.

xxi.

She names the girl Audrey Evelyn, and Chuck laughs because he knew it.

(But secretly, he's touched that she picked his mother's name for their daughter's middle name.

He'll never admit to it, but she knows.)

He names the boy Henry Nathaniel.

"Henry," she muses, rolling the name over her tongue, staring at the baby in her arms.

"You don't like it?" He looks at her a bit nervously. He's holding Audrey to his chest protectively. He had barely been able to let her go since she had been placed in his arms. Already an hour and she's got him wrapped around her finger.

"I love it," she says looking up at him, a bit startled with how much she actually loved it. "It's perfect."

He smiles widely.

xxii.

She barely gets any sleep the first few months.

She steps down from Waldorf designs for a few months as a sort of Maternity leave. Her mother rises into her old position and happily takes over. Chuck lets Jack take some of the reins of the company. And the two of them spend a few happy, exhausting months doting after their two children.

It's her mother who brings up the idea of a trip. "You and Chuck have been running yourselves ragged looking after my adorable grandchildren," her mother coos at Audrey, "you need a break. Why you simply won't hire a nanny, I will never understand."

Blair holds Henry in her hands, looking over the designs for the fall line. "It's not that simple, Mother. We can't just leave the twins and run off to some corner of the world. And Chuck and I refuse to hire a nanny as long as we are still capable of raising our children. Henry and Audrey will not grow up the way we did."

"So stay in the country and leave the twins with me," her mother offers, ignoring Blair's jab. "Or go abroad and leave them with your father."

Blair looks scandalized at the suggestion.

"I'm not asking you to give them up to a third world orphanage, Blair," Eleanor rolls her eyes. "Your father and I are more than capable of taking care of the babies. It's just a break for you and Chuck."

"You think Chuck and I need a break?" She asks curiously.

"Every couple needs a break now and then, my dear," Eleanor laughs. "And if you don't mind me saying, Chuck's been looking a bit neglected, lately."

She rolls her eyes at her mother's insinuation. It wasn't like the sex had stopped. Even if he was a father, he was Chuck Bass. It just was a bit quicker than they were used to. No time for foreplay or passion.

And as she continues that trail of thought, she has a horrifying realization.

They had become _boring_.

"Oh god," she murmurs appalled. "Mother, I have to go." She grabs Audrey and marches out of the Atelier.

She books them a room at a Bed and Breakfast, close enough to Manhattan that they can be home within an hour, but far enough that she considers it a vacation. She makes Dorota swear up and down to watch the babies closely when they are with Eleanor. And for an extra measure, she makes Serena and Lily promise to check in while they are gone.

"We are going away," she announces when Chuck is barely through the door.

"What?" He looks at her with furrowed brows.

"A vacation, without the babies, just us," she says, walking towards him, placing her arms around his neck.

"A vacation?" He repeats slowly.

"You're awfully slow today," she comments. "You and I are going away for a few days. We are going to bury under a pile of sheets where you will ravish me so thoroughly I don't remember anything except you. The children will stay with my mother and Cyrus, and Dorota, of course."

"Really?" He smirks, catching on. "A vacation, just for the two of us."

"Yes," she breathes out, leaning towards him.

"We should get started on that," he lifts her and spins her towards the bed.

xxiii.

The most important thing is, they live.

Even more importantly, they live together.

She doesn't feeling anything for Nate but a fond appreciation for his husband's best friend. Vanessa isn't anything more than a passing phase in their lives after her final breakup with Nate.

She meets Louis, at a state dinner in Monaco that she attends with her husband. She enjoys a friendly conversation with the future king, but she goes home with Chuck to their two children, with another along the way.

She never falls for Dan, not even for a moment. He continues his tortuous on and off relationship with Serena that causes her best friend to crash on their couch more than once. Chuck does business with Raina Thrope, but that's it. And his Serena is his sister, nothing more, nothing less.

They will never be perfect, but they are together, so everything is right.

_Fin._

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